Cristal Slagg
She's everyone's date from Hell
Hats off to Alan Leong!!! You may be a stuffy old barrister but you can get into my briefs any time!!! If I'm wearing any!!!!! Geddit???!!!! And there you are not only making a packet and standing up for the downtrodden on less than a mllion a month but taking old droopy drawers himself Sir Bow Tie and all the Peking dinosaurs in a neck-and-neck election extravaganza!!!! Better than that spindly old decrepit has-been Martin Lee and thank God that soddin' foghorn Emily Lau!!! You can come and canvass Cristal on her doorstep any time Alan!!!! If you haven't got any babies to kiss, we can make some honey!!! Geddit???!!!! Cristal wants your DNA, baby!!!
Come off it Alan Slackpants!!! With your Article 23 Concern Group, your Article 45 Concern Group and your July 1 Protest you ought to know about numbers by now, honey!!! YOU HAVEN"T GOT A FRIGGIN' CHANCE!!!!???!!! Geddit???? Get off it, pug features!!! Get back to your chambers before you lose your nerve!!! Let's have some real men in power, men who know how to be UN-civic all night long!!!! Geddit?????
And now, here they are, Glenda's testosterone-packed power men of the moment:
ALLEN SEMEN : I thought you was that Nury Vittachi until I saw you get your kebab out with the boys in Lan Kwai Fong at New Year. Mmmmm. Meaty!!!
MARK CLIFFORD : When you're done sacking people with a sense of humour at the God-awful SCMP, you can jump into Cristal's sack any time mister!!! Show me who's boss!!!! Geddit!!!???!!
PETER DEDI : Crazy name, crazy guy???? He must be to work at the Post!!!! Geddit???
(Cristal Slagg appears by courtesy of TVB.)
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So Dragonair and Cathay at last tie the knot and form the greatest airline the world has ever seen!!! Cristal is always a gal for strategic partnerships!!!! Geddit??!!!??? I may just join up again and get into the cabin with all those hunky businessmen a-sweating and a-drooling over the gorgeous Asian honeys in uniform!!!! Hold on guys!! Cristal is always first with your nuts and moist towelette!!! Geddit!!!???!!!!!
Come off it!!! Who's interested in another grand Asian monopoly in the making!!! Dragonair girl???!! Hopping on a bus in the air with ugly mainlanders and going to hideous Chinese cities like Kunming and Dalian!!! If your pilot can find them!!! Geddit???!!!??? And who wants to be known as a trolley dolley nowadays!!! Woof woof or what!!!! Keep the face mask on, darling...know what I mean???!!!!
And now here it is, Cristal's summer list of hunks she'd most like to harass:
1. Ray Cordiero - You can go all the way with me sweetie, any night. Geddit???!!??
2. Sir Donald Tsang - Get some wham into that confession box baby. Know what I mean??!!!
3. Sir Run Run Shaw - Come on old turtle face, get out the dog penis capsules and let's rock and roll!!!
4. Hong Kong Hemlock - Crazy name, crazy guy???!!!!
CRISTAL SLAGG
Albert Cheng...aren'tcha just sick o' him????? With his toing and froing, his inning and outing, and all those rancorous foaming public debates with that repulsive lesbo-lookin' Winnie person....Come on four eyes, make up yer friggin' mind !!!! Either you're on the radio or in you're in with the deadbeats in Legco ???!!!!?? Yer can't have it both ways....And if yer don't cut the palaver I'll come round and chop off your other arm..... Geddit ????? Who do yer think yer are anyways? Ralph friggin' Pixton ??????!!!!!!!!!????
Dear old Albert !!!!!!!!!!!!! Hats off and legs open!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!!! At last a local man with balls, testosterone and a bulge in the trousers yer can see half way down Broadcast Drive without yer glasses on !!!???!!!! Give it to 'em Allie baby!!!!!??!!!! Yer really know what election means !!!!! Out of my way.....he's all mine you also-rans !!!!???!!!!!!!! Government House here we come!!!!!!
(Cristal Slagg appears by courtesy of TVB Pearl)
Reports SCMP and The Standard suppressed - Part 98
WHY HK PEOPLE LOVE SUVs
A new study from HKU's Department of Producing Reports to Stay Tenured (Inter-Departmental) has revealed that Hong Kong people buy large gas-guzzling truck-like cars nowadays for a variety of reasons.
Dr Cristal Slagg (Dept of Applied Mascara) summarizes for NTSCMP:
They're so loud and annoying. Let's be ethnic about this. OK?????
They protect you and the clan from other crazy, blind, demented HK drivers. Who in their right mind would drive on a HK road without body armour of some kind? Geez. I ask you!!!???!!
They give small, insecure people a feeling of importance and relevance. Geddit????? And no jokes here about that old penile problem, what do you take us for???? This is the Pacific Century buster!!!!!???!!! Lots of men I know are getting there baby!!!!!!!!
They are really great for driving down to Stanley or Sai Kung waterfront and sitting in with the family consuming takeaway Circle K dim sum whilst the engine idles away. So what??????!!!!!!!! Wassup already???? Get outa here party pooooooper!!!!??!!!????
Er....
That's it.
Go to the Ultimate Poseur's Sports Utility Page.
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Hats off of to Christine Loh!!! The feisty gal sure showed those greedy destroyers of our precious fragrant harbour where to stuff it with their reclamation this and their fill in that!!???!!! Who do they think they are anyway???? Don't they know we've got summat called Democracy a going and a bloomin' in this fair former colony of ours???? Shove it Mr Tung, shove it Mr Li. Hands off my tits and hands off the harbour????!!!!!!!
Christine Loh, aren'tcha just sicka her????!!!! With her save this and save that and her demos and her stances?????!!!!???? Come off it banana woman, we all know what you're up to with your intervewing and your lickin' up to the likes of Stevie "Butty King" Vines!!!! Yer just wanna get into Nury Vittachi's pants and rule Hong Kong as a Benneton coalition?!!! Hands off he's mine!!!! Yer can have yer own miserable gwailo walker. Old shiny head's for me!!!!!!!!!!
Cristal Slagg can be seen reading the weather every night on TVB Pearl.